Virtute.org

Our family has celebrated Christmas in what seemed like tough circumstances the last couple of years. In 2009, we’d just moved to Tennessee and didn’t really know many people. We missed our families a lot. We’d just had a new baby and so we didn’t put a lot of effort into making the time special for the kids. It just seemed kind of lonely and anticlimactic. Then, in 2010, we were in the midst of packing up for our move to Seattle. We had Christmas on the floor amid piles of boxes, eating on paper plates. Kathleen and I both had talks to give in church the next day, and on top of that was the immense stress of packing for a cross-country move with all the uncertainty that brought with it.

This year, I’ve wanted to make it memorable. I’ve been buying gifts here and there since summer; the children have lots of great gifts, and I’ve probably spent a little too much. I’ve been trying to think of new traditions and events we can have. I’ve badgered my parents and sisters into driving here and spending Christmas with us.

But something has still been a little bit off.

It came to me on the bus what that might be. I’ve been listening to a biography of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a prominent Lutheran theologian. His strenuous denouncement of Hitler’s Nazi regime led to his execution after 2 years of imprisonment by the Gestapo. Sadly, the order came just days before the fall of Berlin.

While he was in prison, he wrote the following in a letter to his fiancé:

I used to be very fond of thinking up and buying presents, but now that we have nothing to give, the gift God gave us in the birth of Christ will seem all the more glorious; the emptier our hands, the better we understand what Luther meant by his dying words: “We’re beggars; it’s true.”

Of course this resonated with me, as a Latter-day Saint, who grew up with the words of King Benjamin in the Book of Mormon:

For behold, are we not all beggars? Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have, for both food and raiment, and for gold, and for silver, and for all the riches which we have of every kind?

This also brought to mind the oft-quoted words of Ralph Waldo Emerson:

Rings and jewels are not gifts, but apologies for gifts. The only gift is a portion of thyself.

Then I happened on an interesting article about the psychology of gift-giving. The researchers concluded that gift givers buy extravagant gifts more because it satisfies their ego than because the receiver will be pleased, and they have some interesting results bearing this out. How much of my gift buying was an effort to show the children what a good dad I am? How much to show off how good I am at finding creative toys that the children will really love? It’s a good thing Santa takes on so much of the gift giving so parents can stay humble.

So Christmas isn’t in the presents, as we all realize. In fact, having too much can be an obstacle to understanding and embracing the gospel fully. St. Augustine, discussing the conditions of the Christian community after the sack of Rome, was answering the question of why God allowed Christians as well as pagans to suffer the same horrors and losses. Ancillary to that discussion was this commentary on how the early believers were taught by this loss:

But as to those feebler spirits who, though they cannot be said to prefer earthly possessions to Christ, do yet cleave to them with a somewhat immoderate attachment, they have discovered by the pain of losing these things how much they were sinning in loving them.

I think most of us, like the Christians in Rome in 410 BC, don’t prefer our possessions to our Savior. But I think it’s very easy to deprive ourselves, in the midst of all the gifts and activities, of the opportunity to share in the wonder and joy of our Savior’s birth. We really have nothing, and our lives are the briefest flicker of a moment. All our prosperity could go the way of Job in mere moments. If it did, would I still love Christmas as much?

Now, the kids are excited about their presents. And I am not saying that’s sinful at all. It’s wonderful to be able to give them toys they’ll enjoy. It makes me smile thinking about how they’ll react to the gifts they’ll open. It’s a great blessing to be able to be generous and not worry about uprooting for a little while. But better than the toys will be time playing with them, reading to them, and celebrating with them.

But I often yearn for that seemingly unattainable Christmas moment, that epiphany, that real gift of the good news. I hope that by taking time to study, ponder, and write what I think I’ll be able to become more acquainted with my Savior and share in the wonder of the Nativity. I want to give more as He gave. It seems like the closer we get to knowing Jesus the greater our gratitude is. That may be the very key to proper giving at Christmas.

So I’ll share my favorite holiday gratitude song. Merry Christmas everyone, and may you all be blessed!